GOOD WORK IN ME // Song Story by Charlotte Pugh
It is a beautiful moment when you worship with a song that expresses precisely how you are feeling at that very moment. Suffering with long term Anxiety, I often felt like I sang a lot of songs that were saying things like “thank you, Lord, for healing me” or “now I am free”. Truth is, I’m not free of my Anxiety. It still lingers over me. Some days I don’t remember it at all, and at other times it grabs hold of me again. I yearned for a song that was a true reflection of my life, that I am not free of Anxiety yet, but still I choose to trust.
After years of processing it, I have come to the conclusion that Anxiety itself stems from a lack of trust. That might seem obvious to you, but it’s taken me awhile to truly take that in. Do I trust God? Really? It’s easy when things are going ok and not much is at stake. Do you trust God when you feel so low and foggy headed that you can’t even face a shower? Do you trust God when you constantly think you’re about to die? That can be a reality for someone who is on a journey with mental health. For all of us, choosing to trust God in spite of our circumstances is a daily challenge.
I have always clung on to Philippians 1:6, “and so I am sure that God, who began this good work in you, will carry it on until it is finished on the Day of Christ Jesus.” God isn’t finished with me yet! He’s working on me. And it might be painful and uncomfortable, it might be a challenge but he will do it. There is always something to learn. My timing is not His timing and He really does know best. Every time I feel myself slipping back again, I can stop and ask God, “what are you trying to teach me? In what ways am I lacking in trust? Help me to know deep in my being that you will not let me go”.
I’ve a long way to go with this. The older I get the more I realise life is just one big trust exercise! I think this applies to us all, whether we struggle with mental health or not. So I hope that this song ministers to you in whatever area you have begun to doubt God’s goodness. This song is for us all, God is always working on us, always transforming, always growing and stretching. He walks beside us on the journey to healing. It can be painful, but it’s always a good work! Amen.